The Truth About Cats and Dogs

Women like cats, men like dogs. So goes the stereotype. In case nobody's told you, here's why:

Cats by and large are useless, prissy, self-important fluffballs who think they should be given food, shelter, love, and adoration merely because they exist. Cat loving women think this is admirable, because they wish the same for themselves. It's that simple.

Dogs by and large are slopppy, ill-kept spazzes that think that the depth of their affection should compensate for their lack of presentation and the fact that they lay around all day licking their private parts. Dog loving men think this is admirable, because they wish the same for themselves. It's that simple.

Cat loving men and dog loving women present another wrinkle, but not an unfathomable one.

Cat loving men, by implication, let their wives and girlfriends, or prospective wives and girlfriends, know that they are "in touch with their sensitive side," which is to say that buy into the idea that prissy, self-important fluffballs deserve love merely because they exist. Cat loving women, of course, love this, and the men get laid. End of story.

Dog loving women "admire the loyalty" of the sloppy, ill-kept spaz. Coming from a heterosexual woman, what this really means is that she knows she can't do any better. More than likely, though, said woman is a lesbian, who thinks that all the stereotypically feminine fluff and vanity is just that.

End of story.